


A Letter of Abject Horror

by nellyn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 14:06:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7717690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nellyn/pseuds/nellyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Transfer from HP Fandom.)</p>
<p>Spoilers: HBP!!!! Warning!!!! HBP!!!! Summary: After HBP, someone contacts Hermione. He offers assistance for a price.</p>
<p>Written just after HBP in an attempt to make sense of that one horrible moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Letter of Abject Horror

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own anything in HP. If I did, would I be posting it here? Think about it.
> 
> Seriously though... I do not own HP. Do not sue me. I have now said it.

Hermione stared down at the envelope. She knew that handwriting. What could he possibly want with her? To tell her that she was a disgusting little Mudblood? That she wasn't fit to lick his boots? She set the envelope down and fed the owl a small bit of bacon. Since the Headmaster's death at the end of the schoolyear the Order had been a little lost. They had been damaged greatly by the loss of one man. Then betrayed by the actions of another. When she thought about that stupid Potions book and what she should have seen then... it almost made her cry. She should have recognized that handwriting. She should have known it was him. She was supposed to be the Know-It-All. How could she miss this?

Hermione stood up and took the letter with her. Better to read it in the room she shared with Ginny at the Burrow. Mr. Weasley and Remus weren't positive that Grimmauld Place was safe yet so they stayed here. Fred and George stayed above thier shop in Diagon Alley to help make room for everyone. Remus and Tonks were staying in Percy's old room. Bill and Fleur were situated in the room he had once shared with Charlie. Harry and Ron were of course bunked together. It was almost like old times. Except that school wouldn't start the next year. And the Headmaster wouldn't be there. And he was gone.

The door to the bedroom was slightly ajar so Hermione knocked first. She was surprised to find Remus opening the door. "Remus?"

The graying werewolf smiled sadly at her. "I know that handwriting, too, Hermione."

She shuddered. Would he tell Mr. Weasley? Before she could see what he had to say? "But Remus..."

He held up his hand and motioned Hermione into the room. "Just sit down and read it. We should see it before Harry does anyway."

Hermione simply nodded and approached her bed. Remus sat on Ginny's and waited patiently as she opened the envelope. The letter inside was thick and spattered with something. Water perhaps? Tears? She sighed and unfolded the parchment. She looked at the ink and gasped. "Remus, the ink its..."

"We'll worry about that later, Hermione. What does he have to say?"

She bit her lip and then began to read aloud:

"What have I done? What must you all think I have done? I know the answers but I cannot say them. They will become reality. In order to survive this, I must believe it an elaborate lie. Somehow it could not be him. It had to be someone else at the end of my wand. What did I do?

"Your laughter is filling my ears now. 'He expects me to believe his remorse!' I do not. I don't know what I should expect other than a quick death at Potter's hand. God. The boy must have seen it. Why did he do this to us? To allow Potter to see such a thing? To allow me to kill him.

"I have managed in the last year to slide about that topic. Portkeys, potions and spells have saved me from killing innocent people. But this. This is the end. You all imagine that the hate on my face was real. Even I am not that good an actor. I hated him then. In that moment.

"That is why this has happened. Why I did this terrible thing. He knew. And he pleaded for my forgiveness with his last seconds. 'Severus,' he said. He almost whined it. Not for those he was trying to fool but for me. What he never imagined was that his pleading would follow me into my nightmares, I lose sleep. Why should that matter? I'll lose sleep in Askaban, too.

"I hold no illusion that you wish to see me pay for my crime. I wish it. More than you could ever imagine. Death would be a blessing. But I deserve the Dementors and thier kiss. Perhaps I should turn myself in. But I can't. I am still needed by those who do not want me.

"You will continue to receive my ramblings for I know you to be a logical person. You will see the tactical advantages of them soon enough. I will continue to do as he instructed me. To spy upon the Dark Lord and reveal all to the Order.

"He must have known what he would be asking me to do that night. He spoke to me before he left. 'Severus, we must all do things we fear will destroy us without anyone to support us. I fear that choice, my boy. Not for me. Never for me.' Those words blared through my skull as I said the words. The echoed as the green light faded. How I hate him for this.

"This letter must remain secret. Potter must never see it. I only allow it to fall into the hands of one other. Lupin. I have done to him again. I made a choice I was forced to make three years ago. I did the same thing when I did this thing. I would have gladly broken that damned vow to ensure his life. And that is why he did it. That is why he allowed Draco to wait for reinforcements. For these same people would force me into action. An action I find abhorent.

"I hold a place now in this insane asylum even greater than that of Bellatrix. I have done the impossible. I have killed my friend and mentor. I have killed a man whose trust I earned. I have killed Albus. What have I done?

"HBP."

Hermione let the letter fall from her hands. "Remus?"

The man stared at the parchement on the floor of the bedroom. "We tell no one. Not a soul. Not Harry. Not Arthur. No one."

"But what if he..."

"No." He stood up and picked up the letter. He folded it and placed it back in its envelope. "Take it and burn it, Hermione."

Hermione suddenly looked up into Remus' eyes. "But it could clear him! The ink! It's been made with Veritaserum! You can see that!"

Remus shook his head. "You read the letter, Hermione. He wants to pay for what he's done. Albus may not have agreed, but it is Severus' life to do with as he pleases."

"He wants to go to Askaban!"

He kneeled down in front of Hermione. "We will take his information and use it. And we will slowly convince Harry that justice would be better served by sending Severus to Askaban when the time comes. That is all we will ever do." He stood up and gave the envelope to Hermione. "Remember to burn it." He walked to the door and stopped dead when he heard Hermione's whisper.

"I hate him, too."

Remus nodded and stepped through the door. "Listen to his words. The words he gave Severus, Hermione. We must all do things we fear will destroy us without anyone to support us. No one would have supported him in this. But it is done now. Hate Albus a little if you must, Hermione. I think even I will." With that he closed the door and left Hermione sitting on her bed.

She stared at the letter in her hands. How could she burn this? His words? His innocence? Oh, sir, what did you do?

 

THE END!


End file.
